One of the hardest things for me to do is meditate in public. I can’t help but think “Who is watching me, what do they think. Am I being too weird? Are they Making fun of me? ” I just cant help it. I mean, I do it anyway, but sometimes it does get the better of me and I stop sooner than I would normally. I tell myself I don’t care what people think, but it is a feeling that is pretty deeply ingrained in me. But hey, fake it till you make it right? Maybe one day I wont care.
This week I was rewarded with some bizarre and amazing results during an outside mediation session.
Tuesday morning was the first instance; I was practicing the 24 form and I suddenly felt as if a new muscle had suddenly appeared in my abdomen. Movements were almost expanding or extending from my center, or my dantian. I didn’t know what to think of it, and the second I started to think about it the feeling disappeared. I immediately knew that this was the feeling my teacher has been talking about this whole time. “Move from the dantian” he says over and over again. That was what he meant, awaken the dantian and move from it.
I held that idea as just a concept until this week, just kind of blindly holding it in my head half wondering if it was all bullshit, but trudging on anyway. Well now I know it’s not.
After two days of dwelling on that feeling, focusing on only that as I meditated trying to get the feeling back, I gave up. My teacher always tells me not to obsess about those kinds of things. To listen to them, but don’t pay any heed because “It will go away soon”. So finally I conceded to forget it. Telling myself “That was probably the only time I will feel that. Time to move on to my practice.” With that thought I was able to clear my mind and relax in to meditation. Later that day though, my Dantian had another surprise for me.
As I was waiting outside for class, I was meditating on a bench outside the studio. As always my mind was resting on my Dantian, but only just as a subtle awareness. Not long after my mind settled and I began to relax, I felt a very very real pop right at my Dantian. It was as if a tire tube had just pop it’s seal and air was instantly rushing out, filling up my body. My spine extended, inflating up, and my arms started to lift themselves. Resisting the urge to hold the movement back, my arms kept going up until they hit the table in front of me. Then, it was gone.
For the rest of the night, however, my body felt…. Strange. It was as if the energy in my body had a new pathway opened up and it wasn’t quite sure how to use it. My Dantian felt… Not empty… Not full… But open. My body was, and still is, trying to figure out what to do with this new feeling. Though, as my teacher reminds me, I am trying to forget about it so it incorporates naturally in to my practice. Nothing but gentle awareness of it and I will see where it goes.
I now know what the energy body is not just an idea to hold in one’s head. It’s as much a part of me as my leg or arm muscles. I look forward to farther discovering and exercising this system that has freshly showed itself to me.
Today’s practice:
20 min meditation (Inside the dental Chair).
– Forgot about an early morning dentist appointment. From now on will be meeting some of my Tai Chi family early Mondays and Fridays to practice.
The Restless Raven 