Integration

It’s been quite some time since I really allowed myself the space to think about Tai Chi.

In a lot of ways, I have been exploring what it means and learning to separate my intention from intentions I have aligned myself with.

I guess I’ll start by saying I am still untangling it all, but I have begun to find where my intention is among it.

I have always held the concept that the concepts of Tai Chi can be found in everything, or applied to everything. But I never really FELT it. As stated by Morpheus in The Matrix “There is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path”.

I have been testing to see what it is to walk the path. Whether by design or necessity or perhaps both, is there a difference?

I still have no answers nor do I feel as if I can come up with a conclusion, but one thing I am starting to see is that the concepts are within me, they haven’t gone anywhere. They still breathe light in me and are invoked at every moment whether it be in the physical, emotional, spiritual or energetic application of day to day interactions and living. I have continued to deepen in my awareness and my practice.

It has left me ever wondering if there really is a right way to practice.

Is there a single jumping off point that sparked that fire of intention? That drive to deepen into the self and the world around me? Or is that something I have always carried with me and have just found new ways, lenses, perspectives in which to hone my focus?

I mean I can look back in my life and see numerous points in which that ember was cultivated. A book I read, a group of friends I found, or a study to investigate. But never had I one that was so complete, and held such an expansive incapsulation of practice as Tai Chi. Its concepts and intentions have allowed me to dive deep into the interactions between myself and the people around me. To dive into my emotional reactions and begin to understand not only when I am feeling insecure and tempted to react out of fear but to also deepen into what those emotions mean, and ways that they permeate into my physical and energetic presence in my daily life.

Through that toolset and framework, I have gained access to an ability to understand the people around me deeply, sometimes at an uncomfortable level, or maybe not understand but to empathize and connect.

So long have I desired, or sought a teacher that can know exactly what is going on in my head and tell me the next steps. So eager I have been to follow someone’s lead to show me who and what I am.

I realize now, that toolset is mine. The perspective I have is my own. There is no one that is going to tell me how to use it or understand it\me completely. That burden of discovery and experimentation is on me, and while there are mentors, teachers, and aligned individuals along the path who can inspire and deepen particular aspects, none of them will be able to tell me who I am and what I believe in.

Only I can tap into my source and channel it to the world around me. Perhaps that is what my teacher had in mind when he told me to take a break. Or perhaps he just knew what it was I needed to find my own path.

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