Yes! I have time to write today!
Not just physical time, but mental time, so I am sitting with the dog on the couch and dumping thoughts.
Mmmmm…what to write about.
Took the whole week off Tai Chi classes to spend some extra time at work to shore up some of the weak points. Now at least I have a general grasp on what needs to be done and a task list I can follow. Not completely out of the stress weeds…. but working on it.
This morning and yesterday I did get a full 24 in though. I still wake up early enough to have a bit of spare time and gotta spend it somehow! The last class, Saturday, we focused pretty heavily on a couple parts and I didn’t want to completely forget what we were talking about.
When I was a kid, until I was about 22, I lived life with very little inhibitions. I used to stare up at the clouds for hours letting them morph before me. I formed them into different shapes and creatures as they drifted, an almost endless array of forms dancing before me. There was no intention towards them. It was like it was nature’s television, pulling the thoughts and feelings straight from my brain and projecting them on the sky.
This concept showed up on other things as well.
The bumps on a spackled wall, the stains on the floor, the random groupings of fibers on a carpet pointing in different directions. I would find myself lazily focusing on these surfaces and forming cartoon faces, animals of bizarre proportions, and all sorts of crazy things. There was a subtle desire to give them life. Find some way to create them in the real world, but never had the patience to sit down and try to capture them. Too busy keeping myself entertained with all the whacky creations to communicate it to others.
Then went to art school.
In the beginning, the drawing classes had us do a lot of quick sketches, 30 second gesture drawings. One of my favorite things to do was to scribble some lines on the paper then doodle with it until it was some sort of face or creature. I have notebooks filled with these scribbles, it was so much fun.
At some point, however, I began to force myself into a more structured approach to drawing. As I was shown more techniques, I figured I needed to employ them so that I could become a more skilled artist to communicate my ideas. I had to become part of the land of the employed. I no longer had time for these silly flights of fancy. I had work to do.
What happened was exactly what I had intended. My brain shut off that part of my mind. Walling it up and limiting access to it because it “wasn’t the proper way” or “There wasn’t time for this absurdity”.
As the years went by, I got farther away from it. Favoring of a more technical aspect of art and ending up specializing in character rigging leading to lots of programming and technical setup. I got really good at it, but I have always felt kind of a loss for that abstract freedom I used to have. Aware only now, that it not only affected how I saw things, but the flows and direction of thoughts I had.
About a year and a half ago, I started drawing again and also took up tai chi.
The drawing started to melt that wall.
All the tension and rigidity that had been built up for the last 10 years started to melt away, very slowly. I got really in to inks and brushes and was starting to become free again.
I have only recently remembered that part of my life. Those aspects of my day to day, the freedom and unrestricted thought that used to be so easily accessed. It has been one of my main goals to get back to.
I know I am on the right path because a couple weeks ago, I started to see shapes in the plaster again.
The Restless Raven 